It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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