Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
