I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
