I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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