READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
