Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ladies don't puke and tell
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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