well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
