she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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