May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
