Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize