Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
