the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
