So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
