strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
