Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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