I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize