he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
