I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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