i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
