It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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