TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
