i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
