I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
