k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
