There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Success! We fucked roommates!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
