Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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