look no pants
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
