I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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