So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
