Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
