Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
