how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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