Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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