I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
