By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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