I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
