so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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