It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
