there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
