Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
