then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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