You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
