I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
