if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
