so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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