I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
