I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
