We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
