Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
