"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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