can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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