he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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