I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My vagina is officially offended.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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