Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
